We are currently riding the wave of euphoria, having finally found a cleaning lady. She starts next Wednesday, so we live in the anticipation of a pristine flat (not a robbed empty cave!).
She came by yesterday. A tiny blonde Portuguese woman, all sexy & dolled up in stiletto heels and black leather pants (!). I was quite taken aback by her get up, had not expected that! I felt quite shabby in my jeans... plus I have been feeling poorly lately, so was wearing unflattering glasses and scarves galore. She must take me for a hippie!
My parents arrived home yesterday from Singapore. I hope they took many pictures of my cousin Sherry´s wedding. She and Matt got married in Langkawi at the fabulous five star hotel "The Datai". It is supposed to be one of the most beautiful locations in all of Malaysia.
*NEWS FLASH* I feel as if I am "waking up" again!!!
For the past four months, ever since I left ZH and kooaba, I have been sinking deeper into darkness. It got so bad that I started retreating from everyone in the real and virtual world. Normally quite an optimistic & outgoing person, this descent really scared me. I started feeling inadequate & slow, and my ability to concentrate was remarkably reduced. I did not even have the energy to deal with buying new furniture for our flat (something I LOVE). All I longed for was the oblivion of sleep.
I really noticed that things were bad when I was not even INTERESTED in the shoes designed by Jimmy Choo for H&M!!! I had been following that ever since it was first announced and suddenly - pouf - my interest had disappeared. Something was wrong!
(Of course we bought furniture, don´t be silly. I may have been feeling down, but I was not a vegetable! Certain people who know me very well noticed, people who do not, didn´t. I can act, on occasion... :-))
Why was I feeling glum? Pure self-indulgence? Certainly. But I did not really notice my bleak outlook, only that it was harder and harder to get up in the morning. First I put it down to winter blues but looking back now, these were the main reasons:
> Moving back to BSL from ZH
I managed to move 4 times in the past 12 months. From traveling the world to Zürich, from Zürich to Freienbach, from Freienbach to Schönenbuch and finally from Schönenbuch to Basel. If that sounds exhausting - try it!
Plus I was seriously sad to be leaving Zürich for Basel. I felt as if I had achieved nothing by "going back home". Plus it was difficult for me to voice these feelings as all my friends could not really understand - never having been in that situation. AND BSL sucks.
> No privacy for 2 months - we were living at my parents place until our flat was ready.
Although we were grateful for the opportunity, it was not an ideal situation. It got so bad, that M & I started bickering. We normally NEVER fight. Yet suddenly we were at each other´s throats ALL the time. I even started to question our relationship. But as soon as we moved out the bickering stopped and we started to enjoy each other´s company again, thank goodness!
> Bad vitamin B12 deficiency (<-- main culprit for my mood swings!)
Regular cramps (which prevented me from doing sports) led me to believe that I lacked magnesium. A blood test revealed that no, magnesium and iron reserves were fine but I have a serious deficiency of the Vitamin B12. I was so RELIEVED to know that these dark thoughts had a medical reason! My first shot of B12 brought immediate relief and I now no longer fear injections...
> Bad vibes at work from 2 colleagues who were on the brink of leaving (last month)
Not really a decisive factor, just contributed to my black mood.
These past few days (despite headaches, flu symptoms and bad weather) I have been feeling happier and more energetic. My B12 levels are fine and I look forward to almost a month of holiday over Xmas / New Year. We are off to Thailand to explore ancient cities and relax overlooking beautiful bays and beaches!
We had a communication training course at work. The trainer asked us an interesting question: what are your values / from which sources do you draw your motivation?
I am still identifying my exact values, but I can definitely say that I draw energy and motivation from:
> Manuel
> feeling centered / grounded / at peace with myself
> my family, especially my parents
> friends - going out, staying in, just their physical or virtual presence
> learning and reading about new things / new trends / fashions / ideas
> having organised my life again (it always takes a time for me to settle in somewhere)
> driving and enjoying the beautiful views
> meeting new people
> shopping / new clothes, etc. (I admit to shopaholic tendencies!)
> sports, of course. I have become addicted to power plate. It is SOOOO costly and I forgo a membership at a gym to be able to afford these lessons, but I LOVE it. (however yes, I DO miss my stepper at the Bellevue Silhouette gym).
It is nice to be able to play Volleyball with my old team again, but the training is not really very challenging and I need something to improve endurance. We will see. I tend towards swimming but that is currently no option with my skin problems (dry & flaky again). But will find something (soon!)